Seeking Refuge

Journalist Kathryn Torney recently visited a women’s refuge to give voice to the women living there. By using interviews and photography, Kathryn brings official statistics to life and shows the human impact of domestic abuse.

This exhibition was debuted during our International Women's Day event "It Start With YOU! Accelerate Action to End Violence Against Women and Girls" and is now on display in Museum at The Mill, Newtownabbey for members of the public to view until Friday 21 March. 

A hug can mean so much when women arrive at Virginia House refuge in Ballymena. One said it wasn’t just a hug; she was held, and she’ll never forget it. During 2024, 81 women and 42 children walked through these gates into safety.

Fran O’Boyle, from Women’s Aid, said: “The women come with very mixed emotions. There is a sense of relief paralleled with anxiety, stress and fear of the unknown. It’s a huge decision to leave a relationship and go to a refuge. They are sometimes physically hurt and often emotionally exhausted. For the first few days we encourage them to rest.”

The photographs in this series were taken on 2 January 2025 at the emergency accommodation provided by Women’s Aid Antrim, Ballymena, Carrickfergus, Larne and Newtownabbey (ABCLN). Fifteen women are living in the refuge. The youngest is a teenager aged just 19 and the eldest is 75 years old.

When my first son was born, my husband said he wasn’t his even though he was the only man I’d ever been with. That insult was the start of it. I saw how other people got treated and always thought: what’s wrong with me? It was all mental abuse. He was running me down all the time and had a bad temper. I looked after him, reared my sons and tried to prove myself but I always cried at night.

I looked after my grandchildren; my mother wasn’t well and then my husband was ill, and I had to look after him for years. When there was no one left for me to look after, I thought: it’s my time now. I couldn’t stick it any longer and it was getting worse. I got talking to the lady who paints my nails. She told me to speak to Women’s Aid and said they would help me.

I left him a few weeks before our 50th wedding anniversary. I couldn’t be in a better place. I feel terrible that I wasted all my time on him, but I felt trapped. I just want to have a couple of happy years.

Claire (75)

I was in hospital for a chronic condition I have and refused to go back home to escape from my parents. I'm their adopted child and you would expect them to love me as their own because they chose me. But my whole life, since being with them, it's just always been abuse. They’ve been physical to me in the past and they were psychologically abusing me. They would give me the silent treatment for months and pretend I wasn't there. I was isolated, lonely and unwanted by the people who were supposed to care for me.

My dad threatened my life. He used to always say I was a waste of oxygen. I’ve had poor mental health for about two years. My sister said I brought this all on myself, but I know the abuse and everything that's happened in my life isn’t my fault. What they’ve done to me isn’t right.

My boyfriend bought me this necklace for our one-year anniversary. He’s the only person I have in my life now because all my family is gone. I’m frightened that one day my parents could land at my door.

Sarah (20)

Some women arrive at the refuge with nothing or with a black bin bag containing whatever they’ve managed to throw into it. Sometimes it’s planned and they have packed school uniforms, paperwork and medication. There is a huge range in the length of time they stay. Some leave after less than an hour. Others live there for many months.

Women are at greatest risk of being killed at the point of separation or after leaving a violent partner. Leaving is an enormous decision steeped in fear. One woman took a sip of water and was physically sick from the enormity of her decision to leave, the realisation of what she’d done, and the fear that her partner would find her and kill her. Moving children out of schools, away from family, friends and their support network and starting again is difficult.

Days after moving into the refuge, a violent man texted his teenage children saying if they didn’t come home, he would take his own life. Their mother decided they had to go back.

My partner and I moved to Northern Ireland and into a really small house. It was such a confined space. I think this made his mental state also become confined and controlling in all aspects of my life. He’s a sociopath. I won’t go back to a person that lies, can harm you and is full of evil. It makes me sad because I do love him.

This is a temporary home and a refuge with excellent care. It's good that I'm here, because I don't know where I would be otherwise. I might be dead, or I might be on the streets so it's essential that you have these places to go to. People are secretive about it, but I don’t think it’s shameful to be here. It’s a privilege. I know I’m a victim, but I don’t want to be one.

Don’t take a picture of me crying. Don’t treat me like a poor thing. God, I would hate that. Please focus on my strength. I would like to be photographed holding a tree, for example, showing that tree as my strength.

Morgan (75)

A woman in her 30s and her four children arrived at the refuge on New Year’s Eve following a serious assault by her ex-partner which left her badly bruised and with a suspected broken nose and rib. They are living in one of the refuge’s self-contained apartments.

His family were her support network, but they became very controlling, as did he. They had separated but he came back to the house when the children were out and assaulted her. Social Services referred the family to the refuge. One of the children has special needs and is very distressed. The woman has been given a mobile phone to replace the one her ex-partner took from her. Her case has been assessed as “very high risk” as he hasn’t yet been arrested.

The children are being transported to their own school to maintain some normality for now. If they don’t return to their local area, they will be placed in schools local to the refuge.

Check-in 12 days later: The perpetrator is still on the run from the police.

I moved into the refuge in September with my two daughters. I couldn’t relax for the first few weeks. I was wakening three or four times a night and needed help because I’d wet myself just through fear. In my house I had to ask his permission to go to sleep. My first night here I stayed awake all night because I didn’t know that I could just sleep when I wanted. My youngest daughter used to lie in beside me so he wouldn’t get into bed with me. She was only eight and she was protecting me.

I have a level two in mental health, but I didn’t know anything about coercive, controlling behaviour. I didn’t see it until the staff here helped me to understand what had happened to me. There are other women in here who understand and people who care.

My girls started at a new school and are getting on really well. I overheard them talking and saying they hoped they wouldn’t hear Mummy crying tonight. That hit me hard. They’ve been exposed to enough. I have to get on with life for them.

Siobhan (38)

There are 14 children living in the Ballymena refuge on 2 January 2025. Their ages range from 18 months to 15-years-old. When a child arrives, they can be withdrawn, subdued and frightened. Others run free and feel relief. One little boy just lay on the floor, emotionally drained. Questions they ask include: Where will I go to school? When will I see Granny? Who will feed my goldfish?

The staff build rapport and trust. They show them
the playroom and play area in the garden and provide food, toys, comfort and reassurance. They tell them this is the safe place for them and their Mummy, for now. A family worker helps the mothers to be the best parents they can be. There is respectful handholding if required and understanding that comes from knowing that routines, discipline and attachments can be affected by the trauma families have been through.

A room with a cot, a single bed and double bed was being prepared for the arrival of a woman with two young children. The room was held for 24 hours. She didn’t come.

Lana moved to Northern Ireland to live with her husband. It was an arranged marriage. She didn’t want to be on her own, took a chance and says it ruined
her life. All was fine for the first six weeks, then the abuse started. It got worse and she ended up in hospital. She was referred into the refuge by the police.

Lana had been working at home so the staff arranged for her to have a desk in her room and a laptop so she can keep working in her job while living in the refuge. They also support her with immigration issues. She doesn’t have any other support network and is very isolated. She is waiting for her husband’s court case to be heard and wants to stay in Northern Ireland until that happens.

Lana wants to go back to live with her family, but she thinks it will reduce the embarrassment of
her divorce for them if there’s a conviction. Their neighbours will be wondering what’s wrong with her, she said. Her family is so grateful that she is in the refuge. She doesn’t have anybody else to help her.

Lana (32)

Children living in the Ballymena refuge over Christmas worried Santa wouldn’t know where to deliver their presents to. With the help of the Women’s Aid team, of course he did. There was also a cupboard full of items for the children to choose a gift for their Mum from. On 2 January, the Christmas tree is still up.

Over the festive period – from 20 December 2024 to 2 January 2025 – 1,288 domestic abuse calls were received by the PSNI, including 83 on Christmas Day.

During 2024, 30,509 domestic abuse incidents were recorded by the PSNI across Northern Ireland – 2,151 of them in Antrim and Newtownabbey police district. Crimes include violence with injury, stalking, sexual offences, theft, criminal damage and breach of non- molestation orders. Some women endure up to 35 incidents of abuse before reporting to police.

In 2024, hundreds of women and children were supported in Women’s Aid refuges across Northern Ireland. Many thousands more used outreach services.

Seven women were killed.

This project is supported by Women’s Aid Antrim, Ballymena, Carrickfergus, Larne and Newtownabbey (ABCLN), and Antrim and Newtownabbey Borough Council and is part of out Ending Violence Against Women and Girls (EVAWG) initiative.

EVAWG is a seven year programme mandated by the Northern Ireland Executive which will address the whole range of gender-based violence, abuse and harm which is disproportionately experienced by women and girls, and which is rooted in gender inequality.

There is something everyone can do. Let’s get started.